Hello my lovlies. It has been a while hasn’t it? Let me try and explain why and where my head has been at.
It has been a weird little time since I have returned from living in Ibiza. It wasn’t just going from the glorious sunshine everyday to the cold and clouds but also it suddenly seemed that time where I had to sort my shit out and be some sort of grown up (yuk) Which I have never really been that great at. I usually just bounce around the world without a care in the world going here, there and anywhere without any responsibility or rules. The only real decision would be where to go next.
However, somethings changed a little in me. I have suddenly started the crave my own home, a base that is all mine where I can relax and decorate (seriously started to love shopping for home stuff over clothes WTH?) and more than ever I crave security for myself. When I first told my mamma this she could not believe it! All her ears have ever heard is ” right so I wanna go here now, and yeah mum so I am off to this place in x months, yeah mum well I dont really think im meant for this settling down malarky” In all honesty I think she’s a little relieved. It comes as a shock to me really, it was only 6 months ago I was looking at Australia working visa’s, starting to save up again after my Ibiza adventure.
When I say settle down, I dont mean babies, marriage and all that really scary stuff! I am not really the kind of girl who has been dreaming and planning her wedding since she was 5. I cant even remember ever even thinking about getting married. However what I do want is to work on my creative skills, in a job I love and feel passionate about. Manchester is an ever expanding hub of creativity and it is only continuing to get bigger. It is something I really want to be apart of now.
Over the past few months though, I have been in a panic, a panic about what ‘my passion is’ everyone asking me ‘well Jess, what do you like to do’ ummm I dunno have a glass of red and watch Stranger Things??? Ha! but in all seriousness what is with this find your passion, go after it, it’ll all work out and you’ll be dead happy and dead rich. I have never had that hobby or skill that some have had for years and now there doing their job of their dreams etc etc. This passion thing was freaking me out! I was going abit mad thinking of all the things I could be passionate about. I love coffee… should I be a barista??? I really like trainers, should I go sell trainers???? I love me some hip hop dancing but cant really dance (sob)
Finding your passion isnt a walk in the park, its about exploring your skillset already, actually acknowledging what you like to do and trying as many bloody things as you can! Until something clicks and you say right, ok mate, maybe I can do this now for a while. I also believe there isnt just one passion you can have and turn into a job. I now can utilise my skills that I have worked on over the years and I now style, create and make photoshoots come alive for a fashion brand, which is literally my dream job! But I needed to go through a shitty process to get there, horrible jobs that made me cry every day, awful bosses who proberly shouldn’t be allowed to have any sort of authority. You get my point, its hard graft.
I aint gonna pretend its easy, its a working progress that is testing and realllyyy annoying at times. But I do believe we have a path, well actually a few different ones and we will get there – it just might be a funky little ride until we do. Keep at it and make it as fun as possbile, self discovery can be a beautiful thing.