Don’t worry, I have no idea what I’m doing in life either… and thats ok. 

Let me tell you why…

You know, social media can be a really great place for inspiration. But… and that’s a big but it can leave a lot of us feeling like our lives don’t really ‘add up’ or  we compare to those with the millions of followers, those with the perfectly curated feeds.

These platinum incrusted online lives that these ‘perfect’ people seem to be living. They seem to have their shit together and I know what you’re thinking …. that you don’t a lot of the time.

You see I used to be like that and sometimes in moments of doubt I wonder ….

I wondered why I have left countless jobs after thinking I’d got My dream career only to find out that it was shitty and that I really hate being told what to do by some snotty manager.

I used to wonder why whenever I live somewhere, I am always dreaming of somewhere else… where it’s sunnier, warmer, more cultured.

I wondered when I’ll finally feel like settling down and doing stuff that everyone else seems to be doing at my age. Marriage, kids, houses…you know all that dead grown up stuff that seems to make others seem ‘complete’

I wondered when I’ll have a clear cut plan of action that I can follow for my life.

But you see, over the last few months I’ve realised having a plan of action has never and will never me. I’m an adventurer, a wanderess, I thrive in spontaneous situations, I crave freedom and recoil at any sort of agenda that I have to stick too for long periods of time. 

I was never that good at school, sure I liked to write adventure stories in English class but it was never about princesses who was saved by her knight in shining armour. It was about a tough, yet somehow soft, kind, independent woman who craved freedom,  connections with others who didn’t speak her language, world travels, a woman who felt everything, she craved world knowledge over GCSE’s. It was although I was writing a story on how my life would plan out aged 14.

I even sang Shania Twain in music class one time, but I mean I was never THAT committed to school. I just really liked that ‘man, I feel like a woman’ song 😂

I was the girl by the class window, staring out in to the grey skies, not listening to the teacher, wandering what else is waiting for me out there. What could the world give me and in return what could I offer to this world. Back then I had butterflies thinking about it and still to this day I feel the same about embarking on new adventures. 

I always wanted to escape, lost in my own thoughts and daydreams. Nothing much has changed regarding that. These days I just stare out different windows, airport windows, plane windows, cafe windows just in different countries and cities. Capturing my deepest thoughts and turning them in to some sort of diary that for some reason people like to read. I find that enchanting. But I never really had a plan when it came to my life. 

Most of my life I have winged it, my friends and family can vouch for that. I moved to Barcelona within a week, Thailand in a month and Ibiza within 3 weeks. I had no idea what I was doing but it felt exhilarating and free. The uncomfortable feeling of the unknown that I seem to chase every single time.

This journey of uncertainty is one of the most beautiful yet. Who knows where I or YOU could be in a year, a month, hell even a week! And that’s a incredibly beautiful thought, to think that some of your best memories haven’t even happened yet.

My point is don’t believe everything you see that it’s just you who doesn’t have your shit together, most don’t have a clue what direction they are going in either  – no matter what their Instagram feed looks like – including mine.

And if your life isn’t this planned out step by step, well I promise you that’s ok . You’re supposed to have no clue what you’re doing sometimes. You’re supposed to hit rock bottom time and time again to beautifully pick your gorgeous self back up again.

You’re supposed to feel pain and love and get lost in your own sorrow only to rise up each time feeling strong than ever.

Because … this is where you find moments of happiness, this is where your find your freedom, your true core. Your true self. This is when you feel the most connected to yourself. This is when you come home. To yourself. And you will realise that you have been your home this whole time.

You don’t need to have your life ‘together’ with societies expectations or pressures.  feel what you want to be doing rather than what you think you should be doing. Live in moment, focus on the now.

Stop admiring pointless celebrities like Kim Kardashian, they add no real value to your life. Stop calling her life ‘goals’ 

No ones life is goals. Create your own goals, figure out what sets your soul on fire. Chase what makes your heart beat faster. Feel. It. All. Every bit of it. For these are the moments that matter.

Love & Light

Jess

x

 

 

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